Learning Curve

Learning to love my own art can be a tricky business. It’s about just as difficult (if not EXACTLY the same thing) as learning to love myself. It’s absolutely true that I am my own harshest critic. I constantly undermine my ability and find it hard to tell myself I’ve done a good job. I’m a perfectionist and I could probably keep working on one thing forever. It’s been such a learning curve for me to stop when I’ve reached “good enough.” I hate my own art hanging in my house- I walk by it multiple times daily and all I see are the flaws or the “I should have done that part better, different.”

My imposter syndrome is a real thing that lives like a shadow just behind my back at all times. I doubt myself. I second-guess myself. I self-sabotage out of fear of failure. My therapist is probably tired of hearing the stories I tell her about how I’m not good enough or not a “real artist.”

On the flip side, I’m lucky to have a team of wonderful people in my life that love and support me. They challenge me to try. They push me to do things even if I might fail. Without them, I wouldn’t have landed most of the bigger projects I’ve done. It’s not about them telling me that objectively what I do/who I am is actually good. It’s them sitting with me in my quiet (or sometimes very loud) frustration and self-doubt, truly hearing it, and telling me “Try anyway. Do it anyway. I believe in you enough for the both of us right now.”